Till yesterday I have been running around for about three weeks. Now that I decided to rest, let us do the math and look if all I did is good. For starters, I got about two weeks of work on “big guy”. My journal has pictures and a e-mail address just in case you want to clarify the content. As far as I can tell I also do not have more then one house and it belongs to my parent. My groupies (if any???) do not preach, abuse choir boys, nor collect money in the name of my glory. Although some bring me chocolate I will not get crucified by thirty two (hopefully).
Do I consider myself divine and schizophrenic (three in one)? No. I never want to be put in those shoes. Oh, I would love the power and women (Sorry I’m thinking Zeus). I do not think I am the right person for the job. Maybe I have a decent judgement and kind ear, but that does not make me capable in dealing with what cannot be dealt with.
One of the most human professors I had the honor to work for, said that he does not see me as a lab-rat. He suggested that I should find myself another “tree-huger”, run around the plains with butterfly nets, completely in love and at that point he saw something. I know that heavy lab work is not for me. But butterfly nets with a tree-huger, am I that free-spirited?
Most of the people get ordered when they grow up. They loose the abstract, free will and the entropy. It seems to be I am gaining momentum, but in the upstream direction. Where artists give up and get office jobs, I am looking for free expression and more buttons to put on my messenger bag. I got an English style hat and doubly layered converses (sneakers). Now that I think of it has been getting “worse” for a while, but lately it has accelerated.
My friends get bold, get grey, get jobs and get married. Me, I’m happy and not worried what so ever. Am I trying to gain back what I have lost? I don’t feel like I am short anything though. Is this regression to nature or me acting upon an enlightenment? That could be very problematic, people do not like change, they rarely know how to deal with it. So far I had more trouble with standardized protocols that would not fit my case then with global warming or Bush in the office.
Will me trying and fighting back, will that be enough to change the system? The system I am forced to live in. The system which I am obviously not quite, not surrendering nor standardized enough to be able to function in. The system which reserves Dante’s’ ninth circle for uniqueness.