We all have searched for things before. Not looked, but searched, more or less desperately, knowing it is there and yet not being able to see it. In case of pens, glasses, homework and that favorite screwdriver I would label it as the “meanness” of inanimate things (they just lie there, laughing at you). What if we don’t know what we are looking for?
I know something is off and since I do not seem to be able to find “it” within myself I have started to look around. Is it a job, a friend, a girl, a face-up coin? I do not know.
Einstein once said: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.” Sounds like a description of a graduate chemists job, but there is little more to it, I think.
I walk a lot, it seems to be the premise of my existence for now, to walk that is. Although I am happy with the choices of directions I make, I sometimes wonder if I should take the train or walk straight or maybe turn and do a little loop. Does it matter? Probably when it comes to finding whatever I’m looking for, it does not. How can I be sure, maybe this time it will be different? It was not, it does not seem to be… ever.
Some, not so long, time ago I thought what I was looking for was a companion with a soul. Now I am not so sure of that. Whatever “it” might be, it would have been nice if I could tell you about it. As a side note: things have the a magical tendency to work-out in my family.
I believe in fate. I believe that each one of us has some destiny to achieve, but the path to it is blurry enough as to allow us to make few choices while in pursuit. Thus the question of walking straight or turning the corner arises. It is in my nature to ponder and sometimes stop and look both-ways, but if it is destine for me to find “it” how much will this corner choice matter? Yet I still consider each option and consciously make a choice, will it make a difference? I don’t know, but I will know that I have not cowered when choosing jam over marmalade.