Monday: The Day of Rest and Web-update

Yesterday I went on a stroll with one of my oldest friends, I knew the guy when we where not much bigger then a sack of potatoes, and about 10 years old. He wanted to try my Nikon, the picture I present is what I did to the pictures lighting and hue controls last night. Walk was great, we talked about the good and time.

Till yesterday I have been running around for about three weeks. Now that I decided to rest, let us do the math and look if all I did is good. For starters, I got about two weeks of work on “big guy”. My journal has pictures and a e-mail address just in case you want to clarify the content. As far as I can tell I also do not have more then one house and it belongs to my parent. My groupies (if any???) do not preach, abuse choir boys, nor collect money in the name of my glory. Although some bring me chocolate I will not get crucified by thirty two (hopefully).

Do I consider myself divine and schizophrenic (three in one)? No. I never want to be put in those shoes. Oh, I would love the power and women (Sorry I’m thinking Zeus). I do not think I am the right person for the job. Maybe I have a decent judgement and kind ear, but that does not make me capable in dealing with what cannot be dealt with.

One of the most human professors I had the honor to work for, said that he does not see me as a lab-rat. He suggested that I should find myself another “tree-huger”, run around the plains with butterfly nets, completely in love and at that point he saw something. I know that heavy lab work is not for me. But butterfly nets with a tree-huger, am I that free-spirited?

Most of the people get ordered when they grow up. They loose the abstract, free will and the entropy. It seems to be I am gaining momentum, but in the upstream direction. Where artists give up and get office jobs, I am looking for free expression and more buttons to put on my messenger bag. I got an English style hat and doubly layered converses (sneakers). Now that I think of it has been getting “worse” for a while, but lately it has accelerated.

My friends get bold, get grey, get jobs and get married. Me, I’m happy and not worried what so ever. Am I trying to gain back what I have lost? I don’t feel like I am short anything though. Is this regression to nature or me acting upon an enlightenment? That could be very problematic, people do not like change, they rarely know how to deal with it. So far I had more trouble with standardized protocols that would not fit my case then with global warming or Bush in the office.

Will me trying and fighting back, will that be enough to change the system? The system I am forced to live in. The system which I am obviously not quite, not surrendering nor standardized enough to be able to function in. The system which reserves Dante’s’ ninth circle for uniqueness.

That, what Makes a Difference “Today”

This is one of those moments when the whole [plane ticket] outrages prices are forgotten. This is one of the sunsets that makes the whole thirteen hour flight all worth it. This was one of the sunsets that made me wish I had a 400 mm lens and a stop time machine, to make it last forever, this was perfect.

    Today, yesterday, tomorrow, any day, it does not matter.  There are some days during which something happens and as a result you forget, you forget it all.  What is that thing?  That little thing, which has the power to make you feel like you have just woken up from a dream and the reality is just as amazing.  I pondered about happiness for ages now.  Since I have little concise influence on the Universe, but each and very action has “butterfly effect” consequence, happiness seemed worth the thought.

    I remember several sunsets, the few which I have not spend alone are especially dear to me.  I remember violent thunderstorms, raising full-moons (while the moon is still big and orange) and the smiles that have been given away free of any obligations.  During those times, nothing matters, all just blends together and I like it.

    Yesterday, on my way back home I saw “it”.  There is a fumble picture of “it” above.   It was sinking to fast for me to be able to hold it.  There was warmth, and striking power beating from it, just as if I could feel the fission explosions on its surface that produced the glow eight minutes ago.

    I tried to keep my eye open as long as I could, not to miss any of it.  When I finally turned away from its majestic radiance all seemed dark, cold, grey and insignificant.  Only by turning my face back at “it” I could regain the merciful peace.

    What is happiness and how does one obtain it?  If all I know is that I want to stay warm and as far as I can from the overreaching darkness, creeping shadows and cold wind tying my ankles together (so I won’t be able to run away).  I know what I felt was real, I know what I need, but how to obtain it, how to protect it and how to never loose it again?  Sunsets are unfortunately as perfect as they are short.  I got years to go (before I get as deep as I am tall), how to fill in the blanks between then?

Birth-City, the Improvements and the Downfalls

Warsaw’s old brick communal houses are being renovated. Picture for the post is an example of the renovations that are done to buildings un-touched since the WW II. Although this would not be my first choice for colors, it is nice and I’m glad they are finally fixing the old town buildings.

    This story is at least couple days old, the reason why I have decided to present it, is two-fold.  One it still bothers me.  Two to make a point on character.  Now, almost two o’clock in the morning on Sunday I am trying to consider what makes a difference in between classy and common populous.

    It has been engraved on my soul by my mother (amazing woman, truly one of a kind), that if you have class one will never catch you with straws sticking out of your shoes and slippers.  Which brings me for the story that has inspired the ponder about what has changed in Warsaw.  Somethings are defiantly better others are so cliche’ as to poke your eyes as much as a pair of forks.  That afternoon I was comfortable, riding public transportation city-train.  I was happy, for some reason, the day was going well, and with the last train stop it got better.

    She walked in, knitting patter kind of a girl.  Delicate, graceful and of incredible beauty.  Legs long shapely, as if carved out of moonshine by angels, on a small hill which seemed useless.  Her walk so delicate that if she walked over a lake, the surface would only shimmer with excitement.  Corset like vest just in cased her body, ever so slightly as not to damage the heavenly petals of her curves.  Hair seemed as if stolen from a L’oreal commercial, directed by God and sponsored by Lucifer himself, wavy with a flow and shine known only to waterfalls.  Smile bending the space time continuum, making you feel like the best day of your life was a rainy afternoon and she was the sun you been waiting for, for days.

    Her phone rang a lovely tune (don’t care, nobody did, what it was, what you can’t see does not bother you).  She gracefully picked through her hand bag, taking the all so vibrating piece of technology.  Her voice like honey filled the air and…

    “Hey Rafał, you [bip], but seriously you are a [bip].  I mean it, [bip] she defiantly [bip][bip]…”, “oh I’m sorry” -I have just dropped my jaw and my bag on some poor guys foot, who looked as stunt as I was…  I wanted to take pictures then dream, pray, write poetry, now I just wanted out…

Dogma of Mankind, in Bad Weather

Today’s weathers all changing mood, took a turn for seriously interesting. Heavy rain, chased by even stronger wind. The white (ghostly) lines on the tracks are the waves of rain, blown merciless into anybody standing outside. People crammed into all space with more the a square foot of roof.

    There is something special about sudden onset of bad weather.  Bad weather is the reason why I traveled over an hour and a half barefoot.  Walking through a large, probably very dirty city when only little puddles were left as a reminder of the thunderstorm that has passed.  Interestingly I did not mind it.  I was looked at as if not all the screws were, where they supposed to be.  Funny I got more smiles that way then any other I have tried.

    The weather was readying for this for some time before it happened.  Clouds, change in lights hue, lack of wind.  Instantly everything got wet.  Seconds after the rain started the wind showed up just as if it wanted to show off its new car.  You could hear it flying by roaring its engine, accelerating the water droplets to speeds no to shabby even by particle-physics standards.  It was immersive and intense.

    Something happened minutes after, something very profound and usually very rare.  People as a whole got humbled.  Scared, either dry or wet, all squeezed under anything that could provide shelter and watched as the wind played darts with the rain.  Couples got closer, strangers made gestures of kindness, helping every way they couple people they wouldn’t even notice normally.

    That is a good thing but I am worried about humanity.  I am concerned about how much trust we put into our ability to control (everything).

    Do we need reminders that we are mortal pieces of flesh?  Is it only in situations of magnificent size, during which we are completely helpless that we are capable of caring?  How can we survive, if the only time we are human is when we are reminded of our insignificance and the magnitude of the “problem” has gotten to Godly or Titanic (I do not mean the ship) proportions?  We can be human to our fellow man but are we human, and if we are, what is it that we can say about ourselves as a whole, with dogmatic certainty?

[Dogma by definition means: a set of principles that are taken on faith as incontrovertibly true.]